1/16-1/19

1/16  (Sat)
There is no hope of retrieving his phone.  As I sat down with Evan and talked about forgiveness -- my son surprised me with a great attitude.  He acknowledged his feeling of sadness over the lost phone and all his contacts, but he also reassured me that he's not upset with the kid anymore for he said, "Well, I thought the kid probably is not coming from the best circumstances!"  He is definitely a much larger person in spirit than I thought.  I love my son!


1/17 (Sun)
Grateful for my companion who sacrifice her time to visit Michelle and Gloria with me.  I thought her family gathering was cancelled when Gina told me that she could go to visit teach.  I didn't find out until later that her husband and kids had already left to the sister-in-law's house after our appointments.  I was so thankful for her example to me -- for sacrificing her time to visit the sisters she loves.  I offered to take her to Exton so that she could catch up with her family and sister-in-law.  Love my day!

1/18 (Mon)
MLK - went out to dim sum with some Asian friends.  I love how honest and funny they are even though we haven't only known each other for a short period of time.  I especially love to see how the kids played card games and jingles without holding their ipads and phones!

1/19 (Tue)
Grateful for the one hour drive to and from work that gave me time to think about life and listened to my favorite music.

As I left the state hospital, I had a glimpse of what it is like to live with someone who has mental illnesses.  The LEP was upset and got up to leave without a word when the medical panel refuse to grant her wish to go home. In her mind, switching to another facility would cause money and that thought has been implanted for years according to the psychologist.  The patient did not believe in the advice that all the services she rendered is being paid for.  Going home would not be an option either since she refused to make a transit to a group facility.  This is my first experience ever in dealing with people with mental disorder, and it truly saddens me to see how lock up a mind can be.  She reminded me of Chris who committed suicide last summer.  It did had a moment to admire the patience our friends had for their son.

The state people (medical panel) was trying to keep her protected at the hospital because past history had shown that the patient was not able to perform the basic skills such as cooking, showering and eating while living by herself.  Moving onto a group facility will provide her with the needed training for this purpose.  The biggest hurdle is that she thinks she is 25 (her mental stage) when in reality she is 57.  She also thought that she pays me to be her attorney to get her out of the hospital.

My heart ache as I saw her in such an illusionary, painful state.  I bet thoughts and issues that she can't rectify will torn her into pieces.   Then I thought of Chris.  I couldn't help but ask myself, if I were in their situation, would I rather be free and die or would I rather be lock up unwillingly and be miserable for the rest of my life? There is no good answer to this but at least in Chris -- I hope and wish that he is problem free now!