Worst Day of My Life...

I woke up this morning and saw Patrick gor gor's fb message about my uncle's passing.  What?  My favorite uncle?  My uncle-7??   I called dad and he confirmed of the bad news.... No, dad.... this is not true.  No, I refuse to believe it.....NO! NO! NO!.... I don't think I had a minute today that I am not thinking of my uncle.  I acted as if I am alive, but I can't hear, I can think, and I am not there.  My head hurt, my heart is broken, both my eyes are swelling and constantly filled with tears.  I tried to tell myself that it's okay (he is in a better place), and I tried to focus and wrote down all of the memories he shared with me, but it's just so hard to let go! Why him?  Why?  Johnny and the kids tried to comfort me, but I can't stop crying....  my eyes started to hurt and I still want to cook for the family...

I starred at the sky this evening while cooking.... kept thinking about my uncle who's in the sky now .... it got really dark and cloudy around 6:15am right before Jeannie came home.  It was cloudy with lighting for about 10 mins... even Jady asked to close the blinds because she was scared.  We all thought it was going to rain, but there wasn't even a drop of rain.  What's more?  The dark cloud and all the lighting went away, and the sky became bright and clear again.  It was calm at last.  I was even able to see the beautiful, purplish sunset. It happens all within 30 mins during dinner. We all think the weather was weird, but it was the strangest feeling ever... as if uncle 7 was sending me a signal, "ok.... enough mourning...  it's all over now...  no more tears and sorrow.... all is well!"

Uncle 7 is my favorite uncle.... he is like my parents.  My parents work day and night when I was young, and so my brother and I would stay at my grandma and uncle's house everyday after school.  Uncle 7 loves kid and he is in fact a big kid himself.  He likes to joke around and play tricks on me!  He is always fun and playful... and I  I had many, many good memories with him.

I wish I had never came to the US.... I would have spent more time with him and grandma before their passing.  I still regret not being around grandma before she passed away.  I am scared.... terribly scared.... they both are my most loved ones besides my parents... and I couldn't help to think about my parents and the "what ifs"...

I will never forget my uncle 7, and I hope my children to know what a good uncle I have!

Here is the memoir of my uncle: 

Uncle 7 .... my heart is broken, and I still can't believe you have left us.  I just want to write down a little about you as now I am calmed .  Thank you for bringing so much joy in my life.  I had fond memories of my childhood because of you.  I will never forget you!!!  

Your laughter, your playfulness will always be in my heart.  Wish you and our two grandma and grandpa are all well in the Heavenly kingdom.  We will meet again some day!
 
Niece, Ka Man
 
Me: Uncle 7, why do you play tennis so late at night?
Uncle 7: because no one will use the elevator at night, silly girl. (Uncle 7 likes playing tennis against the wall at the end elevator at Block 23)
Me: Uncle 7, can try I? (He would hold my little hand and let me hit the ball a few times.)
 
Uncle 7: wanna go and eat?  (Uncle 7 would take me out to eat really late at night after 9:00pm)
Me: Yeah!
Uncle 7: I want the pig feet flat noodle, how about you?
Me: I want the beef ball flat noodle ... (because I know he likes that) .... Gradually, I fell in love with beef ball flat noodle too.  
 
Uncle 7 play card games with me and my friends all the time. 
Me: Uncle 7, I'm not going to play with you if you continue to hit so hard! 
Uncle 7: ha ha ha.... You will never grow up if I don't hit hard ... ha ha ha!!
 
Me: Uncle 7, what are you doing? 
Uncle 7: practicing Chinese calligraphy!
Me: Why?
Uncle 7: to develop my patience!
Me: Can I try?
Uncle 7: Sure! (He gave me a piece of paper and I drew a piece of bamboo)
Uncle 7: What is this?  So ugly ah ha ha?
Me: Your's is ugly too!!! I stick out my tongue.
Uncle 7: You are better off grinding the ink for me, haha!
 
Uncle 7: I used to change your dirty diaper! 
Me: What? Did you really?
Uncle 7: Yes... ask your parents, but your dirty diaper is very expensive!
Me: Why?
Uncle 7: Because you study overseas ah, silly!
 *dirty diaper - means those who had an education but don't do well implying the concepts learned
 
Uncle 7 loves playing ping pong with us outside the hallway at our apartment. 
Me: Why are you always the "king"?  (whoever wins the game will get to stay and play until he loses, and the winner will be called king)
Uncle 7: Because I play really good ah, silly girl!
Uncle 7: Hey guys .... fold the table .... the gas guy need to get through!
 
Me: Uncle 7, check this out ...
Uncle 7: Bread? Is this bread? Why is it hard like a rock? It will kill a dog if you throw it to him.  Ha ha ha!
But he still ate it after a big laugh!  

Uncle 7: Hey, you forgot something!!!
Me: what?
Uncle 7 would point to his cheek.... and I will climb up on his bunk bed and give him a big kiss before I went back to my parents apartment.  

This is my uncle 7.... my favorite... my most loved uncle in the world!  May the Lord be with you!  Love you forever!